themidnightfrogsfandomcom-20200214-history
Jetters Abridged - Episode 2 (script)
The following is unedited from the original document except for formatting. Lines may have been rewritten during recording and/or editing. Script *Shiro is in ship as it crashes* Shiro: Damn my shoddy craftsmanship! Quick Louie! Fix it! *Crashes, hangs from lamppost, sees Shout* Shiro: Hey, a girl. Okay. Remember what Mighty told me. Hey! I want your phone number, and/or address! Names are optional! *Opening, Mujoe’s bulge explodes* Mujoe: ...Ow... *Shiro and Shout stand in front of impact site* Shiro: So, are you gonna get out of the way, or- Shout: Look at what you’ve done! This is the worst date ever! Shiro: I really hope you’re talking about someone else... *Shout makes a face* Shout: Hey! You’re a Bomberman! Shiro: Huh?! Shout: I knew it! I’ve seen people from Planet Bomber, but I’ve never seen a Bomberman before. Shiro: ...Are you fucking serious? Shout: Let me look at your belt. Shiro: Ah! I thought the date thing was a joke! *Shout looks surprised, stares* Shout: ...Huh. Well anyway, back to figuring out what “hanging out” means! Now if I can remember correctly, Birdy’s directions were... *Shiro and Louie rifle through her stuff* Hey, what are you doing?! Shiro: RAID! *Shout opens the door to the house* Shout: God, Dad! Why do I have to like boys? *Sees Shiro* Huh...? Shiro: I found where you live. I kinda blew it up. So I made a new one to apologize. But I still felt bad, so I made you soup. You’re welcome. I don’t have a home. *Cuts to horse alien hailing Birdy’s taxi* Birdy: Where you going, Mac? Horse: Quick! To the hospital! My wife’s in labor! Birdy: Hey, relax man. Menstruation’s just a form of rejection. Horse: ...What? Birdy: Did you know you can’t smell your own eyes? Facts like that disappoint me. Horse: What the fuck?! She’s gonna give birth any minute now! Birdy: Hey now. I got one last thing to say. Horse: ...What would that be...? *Pause, Birdy smirks* *Cuts to Shout’s dad reading newspaper* Dad: Huh. I’d find that depraved if I knew what that meant. Shout: Are you sure your bunny doesn’t need chopsticks-? Shiro: He knows what he did! Shout: ...Then why give him food? Shiro: Because it’s funny. Anyway, I need to find Dr. Ein. I need to join the Jetters as soon as possible. Shout: The Jetters?! Don’t be ridiculous! Kids aren’t allowed in the Jetters except for me. *Stands up, starts acting serious* Shout: But we haven’t been the same since Mighty disappeared. Shiro: Mighty what?! Shout: We were fighting the Hige Hige Bandits at one of their bases. Mighty threw a bomb at them, but he always had to wear that stupid visor. I bet he didn’t even see that side of the cliff. But then he got pissed off and left. Shiro: That’s so like Mighty... Shout: So quit wasting your time. You’re up against some high-caliber people. Well, unless you bribe the Professor with noodles. But where are you gonna get noodles? *Cuts to Birdy and horse alien, Horse alien hurls* Birdy: You know, most people get carsick. You’re just sick of the truth. *Cuts to Dr. Ein holding a bowl* Dr. Ein: Yep, he’s in. Shout: Oh, peanut butter and suck! You can’t be serious! He’s an inferior Bomberman! We can’t make our team any worse! Ein: Yes, but he’ll work more for less pay. Shout: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *Birdy appears* Birdy: I brought a pencil. You can all go home now. Ein: Shout, you’re strangling Mighty’s little brother. Shout: Huh...? You mean he has worth in his blood...? Awesome... Shiro: I’m not a trust fund baby... *Alarm goes off* Alarm: *Campy* Alarm. Alarm. Ein: Quick team! It’s an emergency Code Flamboyant! Alarm: Oh, thtop it. Ant: Hello, Jetters! I need your help immediately- Everyone: AGH! Birdy: I can relate. Ant: Oh, like I’ve never heard that before. Look, behind these massive mandibles and beady, murderous eyes beats the heart of a worried mother. The Hige Hige Bandits have stolen the only egg I ever laid, and now I worry for the future of my species. Bongo: I know your pain, Bongo. We’ll take the job. Ein: Shut up, Bongo. God! You’re so insensitive! Anyway, disgusting ant creature, we’ll take the job out of pity! *Cut to ship* Gangu: Cumbersome engines that look ridiculous. Attaching now! Check! Shout: Front end shields that make it less aerodynamic. Check. Birdy: Gasoline. Well this is awkward. Shiro, Bongo, Gangu: FUCK! (Bongo...) *Time lapse* Birdy: Alright, gasoline check. Clearly bad attitudes weren’t. Gangu: Suck mobile comprete! Jettahs awaaaaay!!! God, I offended myself by saying that! Ein: If I blew them up now, I could get a competent team. Too bad I put the button in the ship. What’s wrong with me, Doctor? *Busy tone* Ein: It’s alright, I can take whatever news you give me. *Jetters ship lands* Birdy: *Over intercom* Shout, remember something important. If a shower head could talk, it would probably say, 'kssssssh...' Shout: Yeah, mission. Bye. *They drive off, cuts briefly to Birdy* Birdy: sssssssshhh- *Cuts to Mujoe* Mujoe: *Coughs badly* I’m so awesome, I can surf and burp at once! ...Burp! Be impressed ! Hige! Deep one: My back hurts! *The Jetters suddenly appear* Shout: Mujoe! Mujoe: Oh, jelly and balls! Shout: What does the Hige Hige want with an ant monster’s egg? Mujoe: Well if you must know, eating this supposedly shrinks a certain part of the anatomy. Mainly the... arms. Shiro: *Pulls out bomb* I hear bombs do the same thing. Mujoe: Oh, come the crap on, kid. That bomb’s smaller than my- arms. Deep one: Oh, for fuck’s sake! Gangu: He’s right, you know! *Cuts back to Birdy* Birdy: "...ssssssssssssshh....Squeak, squeak. You take too fucking long to shower.' That's what my shower would say to me. … Don’t interrupt me. *Cuts back to Shiro* Shiro: *Reading* Okay, so to make your bombs bigger, eat a diet heavy in protein and this is not the scroll I was looking for. Mujoe: HAAAAGH... Laugh too. HIIIII... Deep one: HAAAAGH Mujoe: You really telling me you’re in Mighty’s gene pool? You ain’t got the cajones for it, kid. You couldn’t save a moderately struggling orphanage from termites. And then punt one of the kids for a field goal. I’ll admit it: I laughed. Just like how I’m laughing at you! HAAA *Shiro throws fire bomb* AA-AGH! *Shows egg with large hole* Mujoe: Oh, what the hell, kid?! Now I’ll never be able to shrink my- oh fuck it. Bongo: Can we do something, Bongo? Gangu: Shiro create new bomb! *Beep beep* Ant: *Over intercom, evil laugh* Foolish Jetters. That little distraction has given me all the time I need to lay a new legion of eggs! Soon my monster babies will engulf the universe! Shiro: RAAAAAID!!! *Cuts to Birdy* Ant: Oh god, not the spray! AAAAGH! NOOOO! MY BABIES! MY ARMS! MY MANDIBLES! GOD I’M A DISGUSTING RACE! Birdy: *Singing* One of these things is not like the other things. One of these things is Birdy. *Speaking* You guys are too serious. *Cuts to Birdy standing in front of them* Birdy: Congratulations. You managed to exterminate an entire species, and only sustain an injury by tripping on a rock. Mighty would be proud. Shiro: I always feel guilty after my blood rage. Birdy: This’ll make you feel better. Shiro: That’s Mighty’s badge! But why are you giving it to me? Birdy: He stole my socks. I think this makes us even. Shout: Hey... I know this first date has had a lot of twists and turns and ended in mass genocide, but I guess I can get used to having you around. *Shiro holds up hand* Shiro: I never got to properly introduce myself. I’m Shiro. Shout: I’m SHOUT! Shiro: How did you get that name? Shout: WHAT?! Shiro: Hang on. I think I’m forgetting something... *Cuts to Louie lying dead at the counter* Shout’s Dad: You know, I could cook that duck bunny. But this is a really good newspaper. Augmn omn omn *crumple crumple* *Credits, “Ants Invasion” plays, Dad is still heard eating* *Post-credits* Dr. Mechadoc: *Villianous laughter* I have created a giant metal ostrich! *Shows Bomber Machine* Mechadoc: With Mighty gone, the natural thought process pointed to robot ostrich. People thought me crazy. So I did it! So now I’m going to use it to create my own bombermen! The Jetters won’t stand a chance against Soap Pump Bomber! *Hysterical villainous laughter* *Ostrich collapses* Mechadoc: ...Oh well. Duct tape, this is why I love you! *Post-credits 2* Birdy: Hey guys. I wrote a letter to my mom yesterday. Q. Shiro, Shout, Gangu: UUUUGH. *Three pows* Bongo: What’d I do this time, Bongo...? Category:Episode Scripts